Your Mortal
by CastlesBurning
Summary: This is a retelling of the infamous HP fanfic 'My Immortal' In this fic the main character is a prep who hates goths, also it takes place in the South Park world instead of the Harry Potter world. (I'm not that big of a Harry Potter fan, sorry! I like it, I just don't know enough about it.) I do not own South Park or My Immortal. I hope you enjoy it :)
1. Chapter 1

Hi my name is Blondie Light'ness Anna Blonde Spears and I have long blonde yellow hair (that's how I got my name) with pink streaks and blue tips that reaches my mid-back and pretty green eyes like sparkly emeralds and a lot of people tell me I look like Britney Spears (AN: if u don't know who she is get da heck out of here!). I'm not related to Britney Spears but I wish I was because she's a major total hottie. I'm a fairy but I'm not tiny or anything. I have tan brown skin. I'm also a human, and I go to a crazy boarding school called South Park in Colorado where I'm a junior (I'm seventeen). I'm a prep (in case you couldn't tell) and I wear mostly pink. I love Abercrombie and Fitch and I buy all my clothes from there. For example today I was wearing a pink shirt with matching lace around it and a pink jean miniskirt, pink stockings and pink stilettos. I was wearing pink lipstick, tan foundation, silver eyeliner and blue eye shadow. I was walking outside the school. It was all sunshiney so there were no clouds, which I was very happy about. A lot of goths stared at me. I stuck my tongue out at them.

"Hey Blondie!" Shouted a voice. I looked up. It was…. Stan Marsh!

"What's up Stan?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly.

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. I opened the petal of my flower theme bed and drank some glitter from a bottle I had. My flower was pink and inside it was pale blue silk with pink lace on the ends. I got out of my flower and took of my giant Ashley Simpson t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a pink silk dress, a heart necklace, stilettos and pink stockings on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, and put my hair in pig tails.

My friend, Priscilla woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length blonde yellow hair with pink streaks and opened her lime-green eyes. She put on her Hilary Duff t-shirt with a pink mini, stockings and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (pink lipstick tan foundation and silver eyeliner.)

"OMFG, I like saw you talking to Stan Marsh yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing.

"Do you like Stan?" she asked as we went out of the classroom and into the hallway.

"No I like so totally don't!" I shouted.

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Stan walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily.

"Guess what." he said.

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Hillary Duff is having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me.

"Oh. My. Gosh!" I screamed. I love Hillary Duff. She is my favourite singer, besides Britney Spears.

"Well…. do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I giggled.


	3. Chapter 3

On the night of the concert I put on my pink lace up high heels. Then I put on a pink silk minidress with all this lace stuff on the back and front. I put gold bracelets on my arms. I curled my hair and made it look all wave. I felt a little happy then, so I started to tap dance. I read a happy book while I waited for myself to calm down and I listened to some Hillary Duff. I painted my nails pink and put on TONS of silver eyeliner. Then I put on some pink lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was tan anyway. I drank some glitter so I was ready to go to the concert.

I went outside. Stan was waiting there in front of his rolling trashcan. He was wearing a Britney Spears t-shirt (she would play at the show too), and blue jeans.

"Hi Stan!" I said in a happy voice.

"Hi Blondie." He said back. We walked into his rolling purple trashcan (the license plate said 777) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Hillary Duff and Britney Spears. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Hilary Duff.

"Hillary is so totally pretty." I said to Stan, pointing to her as she sung, filling the club with her amazing voice.

Suddenly Stan looked sad.

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like her better than YOU!" I said.

"Really?" asked Stan sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective.

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Hillary and she's going out with Joel stupid Madden. I totally hate that little butthole." I said disgustedly, thinking of his ugly black face. (AN: I'm not trying to be racist, I just put black face because his hair is black and in the original she says something about Hilary's ugly 'blonde' face.)

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Stan. After the concert, we drank some cola and asked Hillary and Britney for their autographs and photos with them. We got Hilary Duff concert tees. Stann and I crawled back into the rolling trash can, but Stan didn't go back into South Park, instead he drove the trash can into... STARK'S POND!


	4. Chapter 4

"STAN!" I shouted. "Like what the heck do you think you are doing?"

Stan didn't answer but he stopped the rolling trashcan and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"Like whatever, what are you like doing?" I asked angrily.

"Blondie?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped.

Stan leaned in extra-close and I looked into his pale pink eyes which revealed so much happiness and niceness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore.

And then... suddenly just as Stan kissed me passionately. Stan climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. He took off my top and I took off his clothes. I even took off my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time.

"Oh! Oh! Oh! "I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my tan body became all warm. And then...

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING CHILDREN?"

It was...CHEF!


	5. Chapter 5

Chef made and Stan and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" He shouted.

I started to cry tears of sparkles down my tan face. Stan comforted me. When we went back to the school Chef took us to Mr Garrison and Mr Mackey who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in Stark's Pond!" He yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces, m'kay?" asked Mr Mackey.

"How dare you?" demanded Mr Garrison.

And then Stan shrieked.

"BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Chef and Mr Mackey still looked mad but Mr Garrison said.

"Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms."

Stan and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Blondie?" Stan asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut pink short dress with red lace all around it and pink high heels. When I came out...

Stan was standing in front of the bathroom, and he started to sing "Pieces of Me" by Ashley Simpson. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day I woke up in my flower. I put on a pink miniskirt that had ruffles around the end and a matching top with red hearts all over it and high heeled pumps that were pink. I put on two pairs of heart earrings, and two flowers in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with pink.

In the cafeteria, I ate some Lucky Charms cereal with glitter instead of milk, and a glass of silver glitter. Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the glitter spilled over my top.

"Butthole!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the tan brown face of a preppy boy with curly red hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much pink that I was going down his face and he was wearing pink lipstick. He didn't have a Jew-fro anymore and now he was wearing pale pink contact lenses just like Stan's and there was no hat on his head anymore. He had a clean shaven face. He had a sexy Jewish accent. He looked exactly like a member of The Backstreet Boys. He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko.

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's totally all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Kyle, although most people call me Fairy these days." he grumbled.

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love doing fairy things." he giggled.

"Well, I am a fairy." I confessed.

"Really?" He grinned.

"Yeah." I giggled.

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Stan came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.


	7. Chapter 7

Stan and I held our tan brown hands with pink nail polish as we went upstairs. I was wearing pink Christian things on my nails in pink nail polish. I waved to Fairy. Light happiness was in his happy eyes. I guess he was proud of me that I was going out with Stan. Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Stan. We went into his room and locked the door. Then…

We started frenching passively and we took off each other's clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my pink silk bra and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX.

"Oh Stan, Stan!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Stan's arm. It was a pink heart with an arrow through it. On it in pretty silver writing were the words… Fairy!

I was so angry.

"You butthole!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Stan pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you total idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!"

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Stan ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Fairy's classroom where he was having a lesson with Mr Garrison and some other people.

"Fairy Broflovski, YOU UNCLE FUCKER!" I yelled.


	8. Chapter 8

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Stan came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back.

"Blondie, it's not what you think!" Stan screamed sadly.

My friend Wendy Smith smiled at me understatedly. She flipped her long waste-length yellow blonde hair and opened her pale pink eyes like cotton candy that she was wearing contact lenses on. She had tan skin that she was wearing tan makeup on. Wendy was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are fairies and one of them is a human but they were very mean so they died, Wendy was very happy to have been kidnapped by nice loving parents. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Testaburger.

"What do you want you little bastards!" Garrison demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him.

"Fairy, I can't believe you like cheated on me with Stan!" I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Blondie was so mad at me. I had went out with Fairy (I'm bi and so is Blondie) for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Henrietta, a stupid gothic meanie. We were just good friends now. He had a lot of happy experiences, and now he was preppy. (Haha, like I would hang out with a goth.)

"But I'm not going out with Stan anymore!" said Kyle.

"Yeah like right! Talk to the hand you butthole!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into Stark's Pound where I had lost my virility to Stan and then I started to burst into tears.


	9. Chapter 9

I was so mad and sad. I couldn't believe Stan for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Stan.

Then all of a suddenly, a horrible fat boy with brown hair and a double chin and everything started rolling towards me on a Wal-Mart scooter! He had a double chin (basically like Cartman in the show) and he was wearing all pink but it was obvious he wasn't preppy. It was… Cartman!

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Cartman shouted "Respect mah authoritah!" and I couldn't run away.

"Family Guy!" I shouted at him. Cartman fell off his scooter and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I don't like him so I stopped.

"Blondie." he yelled. "Thou must get Fairy Broflovski to suck mah balls!"

I thought about Fairy and his sexah eyes and his preppy red hair and how his face looks just like a Backstreet Boys' member. I remembered that Stan had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Stan went out with Fairy before I went out with him and they broke up?

"No, Cartman!" I shouted back.

Cartman gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged.

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou do not, then I shall get thy beloved Stan to suck mah balls!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Cartman got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not get Fairy to suck mah balls, then thou know what will happen to Stan!" he shouted. Then he rode away angrily on his scooter.

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Stan came into the woods.

"Stan!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back, his face was all happy. He was wearing tan foundation and neat pink eyeliner.

"Are you like okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I like got all mad at you but I like totally thought you cheated on me." I expelled.

"That's okay." he said all happily and we went back into the school together making out.


	10. Chapter 10

I was really scared about Cartman all day. I was even upset when I went to rehearsals with my preppy pop band Sparkly Preppy Sunflower 777. I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. People say that we sound like a cross between Britney Spears, Hilary Duff and Ashlee Simpson. The other people in the band are Wendy, Fairy, Stan, Craig (He has blond hair now with pink streaks in it.) and Randy Marsh. Only today Stan and Kyle were playing Guitar Hero so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Stan was probably playing really hard at his game (he wouldn't die because he was a fairy too and the only way you can kill a fairy is with i-r-o-n (there's no way I'm writing that) or a fire and Fairy was probably watching a happy movie like The Clique. I put on a pink silk shirt that showed off my boobs and tiny matching miniskirt that said Britney Spears on the butt. You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not.

We were singing a cover of 'Sometimes' and at the end of the song I suddenly burst into tears.

"Blondie! Are you OK?" Wendy asked in a concerted voice.

"What do you like think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Cartman came and the fat ass told me to like make Kyle suck his balls! But I don't want to make him suck his balls, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Stan. But if I don't make Kyle suck his balls, then Cartman will like totally make Stan suck his balls!" I burst into tears.

Suddenly Stan jumped out from behind a wall.

"Why didn't you like tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you mean poser gothic butthole!"

I started to cry and cry. Stan started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying.

We practiced for one more hour. Then suddenly Chef walked in angrily! His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

"What have you done, Children?" He started to cry wisely.

"Blondie, Stan has been found in his room. He committed suicide by playing Guitar Hero too much."


	11. Chapter 11

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! Wendy tried to comfort me but I told her to talk to the hand and I ran to my room crying myself. Chef chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way.

Anyway, I started crying tears of sparkles. They got all over my clothes so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily while I put on a Britney Spears song at full volume. I grabbed a lighter and almost lit it on my skin to commit suicide. I was like so totally depressed! I got out of the bathtub and put on a pink low-cut dress with lace all over it sandly. I put on pink high heels with blue lace stuff on the ends and six pairs of heart earrings. I couldn't believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed… Garrison was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! And Stuart was masticating to it! They were sitting on Wal-Mart scooters.

"EW, YOU GROSS PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU LIKE PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a pink towel with a picture of Hillary Duff on it. Suddenly Fairy ran in.

"I'm telling my mom!" he yelled at Garrison and Stuart pointing his womb. I took my gun and shot Garrison and Stuart a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke. Suddenly, Chef ran in.

"Blondie, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Garrison and Stuart and then he waved his spatula and suddenly…

Randy ran outside waving his hands around and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Randy? You're just a stupid Geologist!"

"I MAY BE A GEOLOGIST…." Randy paused happily. "BUT I AM ALSO A CHRISTIAN!"

"This cannot be." Garrison said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Chef's spatula had hit him.

"There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly.

Stuart held up the camera triumelephantly.

"The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!"

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough glitter.

"Why are you doing this?" Stuart said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his shit.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to raid the art room and drink some glitter because I felt faint.

"BECAUSE…BECAUSE…." Randy said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his beer in the air. Then he swooped in and started singing to the tune of a pop version of a song by (insert band here).

"Because you're preppy?" Garrison asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraid it meant he was connected with Jesus.

"Because I LOVE HER!"


	12. Chapter 12

I was about to light myself on fire with the yellow lighter that Stan had given me in case anything happened to him. He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS RANDY but it was Fairy. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY JEW FRO HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his pink whites.

I stopped. "How did u know?"

"I saw it! And my hair turned back into a Jew fro!"

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a Jew fro anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Craig gave me some hair product to take it and I always cover it up with a hat." he said back. "Anyway my hair hurt and it turned back into the Jew fro! Save me! Then, I had a vision of what was happening to Stan….Cartman has him bondage!"

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from accidentally bumping into some iron. Garrison and Stuart and Randy were there too. They were going to Mephestio's after they recovered cause they were paedophiles and you can't have those gross pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot girls. Chef had constipated the video camera they took of me naked. I told them to talk to the hand.

Anyway Randy came into my hospital bed holding a black flame.

"Blondie I need to tell u something." he said in a very serious voice, giving me the flame.

"Talk to the hand." I told him. "You know I like totally hate the colour black anyway, and I don't like mean goths like you." I snapped. Randy had been mean to me before for being preppy.

"No Blonde." Randy says. "This is not a flame."

"What, are they preps too you poser goth?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me a black flame.

"I saved your life!" He yelled happily.

"No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Garrison and Stuart."

"Who MASTABATED to it." He added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angrily.

He pointed his beer at the black flame. "This isn't a flame." He suddenly looked at them with an nice look in his eye and muttered,

"Sometimes I run, sometimes I hide!

"That's not a spell that's a Britney Spears' song." I corrected him wisely.

"I know; I was just warming up my vocal cords." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo Britneyo Sperio sometimesio Io runio!"

And then the flame turned into a huge pink rose dancing in the middle of the air. And it was pink. Now I knew he wasn't a goth.

"OK I believe you now wtf is Stan?"

Randy rolled his eyes. I looked into the petals of the rose but I could c nothing.

"You see, Blondie," Chef said, watching the two of us watching the rose. "To see what is n da rose u must find yourself first, k?"

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Randy yelled. Chef looked shocked. I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Randy stormed off back into his bed. "You're a liar, Chef!"

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a pink silk minidress with lace on it. There was some bows on the front. Then I put on pink stockings and pink pumps with pictures of Britney Spears on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Alison from Pretty Little Liars and I put on light pink lipstick, silver eyeliner and pink lip gloss.

"You look pyari, girl." Wendy said happily.

"Thanks, you do too." I said happily too, but I was still happy. I drew hearts on both of my wrists feeling totally happy and I coloured them all in. I laughed again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Garrison and Stuart couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes. Fairy was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. (I didn't change this because I couldn't think of anything to change it to and the original has me cracking up) He looked all happy because Stan had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Stan. He was throwing some glitter on a freshman.

"Hi." He said in a happy way.

"Hi back." I said in an equally happy way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Kyle had beautiful pink preppy eyes so much like Stan's. Then… we jumped up and started dancing!

"STOP IT NOW YOU HAPPY SIMPLETONS M'KAY!" shouted Mr Mackey who was watching us and so was everyone else.

"Kyle you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to dance with me. You know I loved Stan and that you have no rhythm!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily.

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY JEW FRO HURTS!" and then….. his eyes rolled up! You could only see his pink whites.

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a Jew fro anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Craig gave me some hair product to take it and I always cover it up with a hat." he said back. "Anyway my hair hurt and it turned back into the Jew fro! Save me! Then, I had a vision of what was happening to Stan….Cartman has him bondage!"


End file.
